Friday, March 6, 2009

Paper planes....

Blimey it's like a war zone at our house at the moment and for once I don't mean because the kids are fighting..... Kalem has been spending a LOT of time making paper airplanes, then he and Talia have been flying them all over the house. You can't go anywhere without being hit on the head by a plane or accidentally standing on one and having to quickly hide the crumpled mess in the bottom of the bin so that you don't get told off!!
A few of the fighter jets lined up and ready for battle....
At least somebody in our house is making something. I seem to be spending a lot of time reading about making things, cutting out patterns and fabric to make things with , talking about all the different things I am going to make, but actually not making anything at all. Can you get 'crafters block"???? If so I definitely think that I have this, I can't seem to concentrate on anything.
I am quite tired so I am putting it down to this, yes Lola is still waking all night long. On a good night she only wakes 4 times, but the other night it was 8, she quite often wakes hourly and the only way to settle her is to feed her, SIGH!!! It's completely my own fault for letting her get into such a terrible night time routine and I know that I need to be a BIT tougher with her, but I am TOO TIRED!!!!! I am going to try not feeding her every time that she wakes tonight, fingers crossed.
Here is a photo of the little monkey and her big sister especially for their grandparents.... X


http://lavenderhouse.typepad.comh said...

Hello knackered you! You need your husband to get up to her during the night - no boobs there! He would probably only have to do it for max 3 nights so even if he has to go to work tired it wouldnt be for to long. Try hard, it is so heart breaking and emotionally draining. Be strong. The only way any of my 3 children started being reasonably good at night was when I stopped feeding them at night.

Horrible isn't it. If you need to talk then just leave a comment and I will get back to you. Good luck!

Thinking of you!

Love Emma xxxxxx

Claire said...

Do you have the La Leche breastfeeding book? There is so much info in there about this, plus other people’s stories, ideas etc.

From me - I think I would see TWO issues. One you are tired. Two your dd needs (some may say 'wants' but I'd say it was still a need) to nurse from you (whether the issue is for comfort or nourishment I'd leave for a second, and figure out when you have some sanity back, if it bothers you either way). Then try to meet those two valid and real needs as best you can.
So first can you during the day lie down with Lola at nap time and sleep with her (meaning, are you willing to do this?)? You need to find ways to rest so that when the night rolls around you are not distraught and desperate with tiredness. The Sears Nighttime parenting book might be helpful with ideas for coping with this.
I think it gets irritating when people hark on about 'it's a phase - put up with it!' in a sugar coated way but I really it helps me so much to repeat to myself over and over in those dark moments; 'this too shall pass' or something similar. Nothing in childhood is forever (more is the pity mostly) and I think in the middle of the night refusing to feed (or more drastically leaving the room!) is utterly horrendous for someone who is so small. For them, it is a NEED you and it’s a pure need, whether teething or hungry or fretful or tummy-achey or going through some mega growth-spurt or or or....) There is nothing WORSE I have found than refusing feeding. It is like giving the green light to HOURS of tortured screaming. If a newborn can scream for at least two hours at fever pitch when it needs you (not that I have tried it out) then a lusty one year old certainly must have the potential to cry all night! When I wanted to night wean my ds 1 when his brother was born (tandem feeding at night was ROUGH) we tried giving him to my dh and my not feeding him and it was horrendous. We ALL ended up in tears and the upset coursed the whole might, and yeah, no one slept any better. My dh thought it was horrible and there was no way I was going to fall asleep with my son screaming in the next room anyway! So it all felt pointless and really really well, nasty, to hear him longing for me so much and my not acting upon it. So we didn't go down that route. His independence from me came gradually and with him as instigator, I think the more you push away the more instinctively they cling (well, naturally, I would too wouldn't you?), perhaps if feeding is withheld then the anxiety and clingness manifests in other ways.

I think the reason why it *feel* so wrong is because it just is!

If it is any consolation all mine fed in the night several times until they were at least THREE years old (I wonder if my dd will be the same?). My dh sleeps in another bed and the babe and I sleep together. My dh is VERY happy with this set up, afterall, as you know, eventuall life boils down to the MAIN thing being SLEEP!!!!

And, yeah, again NOTHING lasts forever (including odd sleeping arangements), but what you might gain from it is a sense of having parented at night time well. My friend said to me she never went into parenting imagining it was a daylight hours 'job'. That at night she imagined she would be needed as much (if not more) than during the day and so set up life to find other ways of gaining rest. Which I suppose sums up my very ,lengthy post!! But then, she is much more articulate than I am :)

I really really feel for you, it is one of the WORST tortures to be sleep deprived, it really IS torture! And to have a crying baby too, well it puts you to the maximum of endurance.

ALSO, off subject,
I am so envious of you having the crafty group to go to, it sounds wonderful to find like-minded people on your home turf.

I think of my weeks without one crafty idea as my 'fallow' time and just let it be, sooner or later inspiration strikes (usually when you are washing nappies, or in the post office or scrubbing out the bath, oh joy).

As in the Buddha Way or whatever, fighting against something always feels wrong, going with the flow takes you where you need to be I believe. Like the lessons you need to learn this lifetime present themselves to you over and over until you see them and choose to learn from them. Graciously. And I suppose, with humour, although it is hard to summon at will sometimes.

I am not there yet, ha! But it's how I choose to see things like this,

love Claire xx

I hope I am not speaking out of turn to say these things. It just always felt like there must be a better way.

That La Leche book really helped; The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, also the book, Mothering your Nursing Toddler is very good. Is there a La Leche group in Christchurch you could attend, just for advice and support?

little grubs said...

Hi there Julie

I'd second Claire on this one - La Leche League is a great source of info and support. They also have a book called Nighttime Nursing which is great. I too have been there and it is so tough. Cassia at a similar age to Lola started to wake from maybe 1/2 a night to every hour and I was exhausted. She slept in the bed with us and would feed every hour. Eventually I had to stop looking at the clock because it would have driven me insane. Eventually I did feel I needed to 'do something'. That was when we moved our bed against the wall and instead of sleeping in between us Cassia slept by the wall, then Craig then me - the idea being if she wasn't laying next to the milk source all night she might not want it so much! It did mean that she didn't wake so much so that was great. We then moved on to me sleeping in a different room. She was so used to being in with her dad that I wasn't worried about it too much but did tell Craig that he was to come and get me if she was waking and upset and neither of us wanted her to cry. Like Claire says the bottom line is sleep and sometimes you have to do anything you can, and some things you never thought you would o, to get it! Well that night was a revelation - I fed her at 10pm and then went to another room and she slept right through until the morning. Now I know this won't work for everyone but I thought maybe hearing someone else's experience might be useful. I see it that Cass was more than ready and her feeding so frequently through the night was really more a want than a need otherwise I would have expected her to wake and cry when I wasn't there. It wasn't an end to nighttime feeding altogether but it certainly relieved my tiredness and I felt I could function better as a mum during the day - I also had to consider the needs/wants of Maia too so for us it was the best thing.

If you ever need to talk then let me know! xx

Your fairy is called Tangle Saturnwand
She is a trouble maker.
She lives at the bottom of tangled gardens and in hedgerows.
She is only seen when the seer holds a four-leafed clover.
She wears tangled dresses of multicoloured petals. She has delicate pale pink wings like a cicada.